"What’s your favorite thing about your mother?"
"She loves life more than anyone I’ve ever known. I hope she doesn’t mind me telling you this, but recently she’s had some health problems. And her health got so bad at one point, she called me and said: ‘I was starting to wonder if there was any reason to go on. But then I had the most delicious pear!’"
"I try to stay away from other people. I don’t like to have to be keeping up pretenses all the time— it’s exhausting. Being a loner forces me to be two-faced sometimes, though. I’m always having to make up little stories to get out of social situations. But I’d much rather be alone, watching films. I enjoy watching actors. They’re always pretending, just like me."
"I’m always sad."
"Are there certain thoughts associated with the sadness?"
"No, the sadness is under the thoughts. It’s like when you’re on a camping trip, and it’s really cold, and you put on extra socks, and an extra sweater, but you still can’t get warm, because the coldness is in your bones."
"Do you hope to get away from it?"
"Not anymore. I just hope to come to peace with it."
"What do you feel most guilty about?"
"That I live on the West Coast, and my mom lives here on her own. I’m here on business, so I just got to visit her. My friend calls these ‘lightbulb trips.’ When you visit your older parent after not seeing them for awhile, and there’s something simple they need you to do, like a burned out lightbulb that they need you to reach, and you realize that if you hadn’t come, they’d have been sitting in the dark."